The Thoughts of a Hanyou, The Dreams of a Girl
by Tear of Fate
Summary: this is a semi-songfic which lets you explore character's thoughts and feelings, mostly Inuyasha's and Kagome's. This is not for Kikyo Lovers.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Ok I am a first time writer (partially) and I already hate this. Doesn't that tell you something? Oh whatever. I don't own Inuyasha. But I will someday! *looks nervously out the window in search of lawyers. See's a business suit.* OK, OK I LIED! I WILL NEVER OWN IT! *runs and hides in a corner*  
  
Hello everyone! This is my first fanfic! That is if you don't count my two poems. I have been working on uploading a different one for a long time but it just won't take. Grrrrrrrr. So anyway, this fic is mainly Inuyasha and Kagome thoughts, but I will definitely be adding other character's feelings and thoughts in this. Oh and this will be a songfic inspired by the song How Can I Not Love You by Joy Enriquez. Oh and by the way before I get sued I don't own that either.  
  
*WARNING! KIKYO LOVERS LEAVE NOW! KAGOME AND OTHERS MAY SERIOUSLY BASH HER! (Why you ask? Because I HATE Kikyo and I'm the author!) Oh and Inuyasha wishes her ill being too.*  
  
~ Chapter One- Not Quite Dreaming Yet ~  
  
I was lying on my bed. I had seen Kikyou and Inuyasha together. He told her that he wasn't going to leave her to Naraku. I guess that means he's going to leave me to anyone who will take me. So I guess it is true, what he always says to me or to others. I am only his shard detector. That's the only reason why he saves me. I only get in the way of things.  
Why did I have to meet Inuyasha at all? I was happy before. Well, at least as happy as a school going girl like me can be. I could've just gone out with Hojo. My life would've been better, right?  
But even as I lie here and have these thoughts, part of me knows that I don't regret meeting Inuyasha. Maybe it's because I love to be in the Feudal Era, maybe I love to fight demons, maybe I love Inuyasha's rare embraces, and then again, maybe I just love Inuyasha. Yes, it is true. I know I love Inuyasha. I love everything about him. His hair, his ears, and his eyes. God I love those eyes, I love to look into his eyes, and I love it when he's looking back. Then for some god unknown reason, I love his arrogance and his stubbornness His bravery and his warmth I get in those rare moments when he holds me tight. His loyalty, though it only lies with Kikyo.  
At the same time I damn that loyalty. That strand of care that he has attached just to her. He seems to have some sort of drive that pushes him to her, and she an invisible rope that pulls him in. She has it in Inuyasha's head that it's his fault she died. But it's not his fault!  
I hate Kikyo. I wish she would go back to where she came from! Why do I have to be so nice as to not kill her?! It would be no less than she deserves! Nobody should even try to take him away from me! She should have never returned here and left Inuyasha and I in peace!  
But it's too late. It has already happened. She is here and there is nothing I can do about it. Of course, I could hunt her down and kill her painfully and beautifully, I have thought of this many times. That's before I catch myself though. I always come to the realization that I will never do what I wish I could. This is simply because that's not me. I am not one to kill and take revenge. I long to be able to let my hate run free and remove her from the earth, but I can't.  
Now that I think of it, there are many things I can't do. Like, I can't reach out and embrace Inuyasha. I can't hold him close to me like I would love to do. I can't kiss him like I've dreamed of. I can't love him like I want to.  
  
*Cannot touch, Cannot hold, Cannot be together. Cannot love, Cannot kiss, Cannot have each other.*  
  
Oh suck it up Kagome! I need to stop having childish wants and thoughts. But if my wants and thoughts are of love, does that make love childish? There are so many twits and turns, so many different interpretations.  
But I must be strong. I cannot keep hold of Inuyasha. He should not have to delay his time with Kikyo for me, and that is exactly what he is doing. I will not tell him how I feel. I cannot tell him how I feel.  
  
*Must be strong, And we must let go. Cannot say, What our hearts must know.*  
  
Somehow, I always feel like my decisions are wrong. Maybe it's because that's not how I want things to end up. I mean, God knows that I don't want Inuyasha to go with that dead wench! But what choice do I have? Sure, if I could I would make Inuyasha understand that Kikyo is a stupid, dead, resurrected, soul stealing, thing of the past, but he just doesn't get it. I mean, she wants to bring him to hell with her! The sad thing is, is that he sometimes says he is going to leave with her.  
There again is that cursed loyalty. The thing that makes him continually feel bad for her. Then I get scared. I always think, what if he actually does leave this time? What if he doesn't have a second though? I can't help but get worried every time.  
I guess the real truth is, is that I can't help but love Inuyasha. It's impossible to tell my heart not to. I want Inuyasha in my arms always and forever. If I could I would stop time in those rare embraces and be with him forever. I don't want these memories to leave me ever. I love Inuyasha and I miss him when I'm away. But yet I always leave.  
  
*How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart? When do I not want you, Here in my arms? How does one waltz away, From all of the memories? How do I not miss you, When you are gone?*  
  
I am blind and so is he. We are forever under this spell and forever caught in this trap. Perhaps one day we will be free, but that time will only come, with Inuyasha's final decision. 


	2. Sang's Pain

Disclaimer: Okay. I don't own Inuyasha as of now, but I am trying!  
  
Hey everyone! This is the second chappie here. I'll get to Inuyasha soon. I promise. You see, I wrote his down on paper first. It was all sad and stuff (of course), but I left it at my friend's house!!!! How horrible. I will be getting it tomorrow or maybe even today. If I get it today, well then you all are in luck because I will write it. If it's tomorrow, well then you will have to wait until Friday. Gomen! Well I found out how to get my other story to work so check it out! It's called Admitting to Love. It is all done and it will have a sequel. Thank you to sorano2004 for being the ONLY person to review! Come on people! Humor me here! Okay well that's it.  
  
And now...  
  
~ Chapter Two- Sango's Pain ~  
  
Sango's Pov  
  
I try not to let it show, most of the time I succeed in holding in the pain until I am away from the others. Today I just couldn't bear it. We were in a town after slaying a demon. I looked around and it seemed like the only people who lived there were siblings. If that wasn't enough, I looked to a field and saw an older sister, training her younger brother.  
  
~ Flashback ~  
  
"Sango look!" Kohaku threw the blade on the end of his chain as hard as he could. It rain through a thin tree like butter.  
"That's good Kohaku! You are getting better everyday. One day we will fight side by side. You, father, and all our friends."  
"You'll be there to, right Sango?" Kohaku ran to his sister and hugged her.  
"I'll always be there."  
  
~ End Flashback ~  
  
But no, I won't always be there. I can't protect him now. He is under Naraku's spell. There is nothing I can do to help him or heal him. I loved my brother, and I never really got to fight with him by my side. We were separated all too soon.  
Now I feel selfish. When I look at my friend's, I know they all have problems too, and they aren't like this. Inuyasha can't choose between Kagome and Kikyo and this cause Kagome-chan so much sorrow. I don't know how she continues living.  
Inuyasha is so blind and oblivious to everything that goes on. He doesn't see Kagome's grief. If I were him, I would've left the clay pot along time ago. I don't know what he sees in her. The woman is dead!  
Then there's Miroku. His air void will consume him one day. It's so sad that he knows he will die. At least the rest of us aren't expecting to die soon. He has his death all planned out.  
But he certainly is living his life to the fullest. A little touch here, a little squeeze there. He once said he asked all beautiful women to bear his child. Of course I had to reply by saying, "You never asked me."  
I was very jealous of all those women he did ask. Gods I love him. Wait, jealousy? Love? What am I thinking?! I don't love him! Or do I?  
  
Ok all, sorry so short. I really want that Inuyasha page now! Grrrrr. Well anyway, keep reading! Oh and you see that little button down there? I know you do. so click it and review! 


	3. Inuyasha's Comparisons

Disclaimer: I almost had the rights, and then they put up a restraining order. So I still don't own Inuyasha.  
  
Okay, here you go. I got it today and you all love me right? Be happy and be thankful, and bow down and praise me! All right sorry, I got carried away. Anyway read and REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
~ Chapter Three- Inuyasha's Comparisons ~  
  
Inuyasha's Pov  
  
Here I am again, sitting in Goshinboku, comparing you Kagome, to her. I feel bad in doing so, but I can't help it. I instinctively glance at the well, hoping to see you come climbing out and coming back to this place, coming back to me.  
Still when I think of you, I think of Kikyo. I see your happy smile, as I also see her lips that have no emotion. They mirror her eyes, which carry nothing but hate. Her cold glare pierces me.  
I find it strange and amusing that your eyes do the same. Though it is of course, in a different way. I can get lost in your eyes. They are warm, friendly, caring, and they are lovely. But sometimes they are the same eyes that are clouded with misery and sorrow.  
As the hot liquid spills from your eyes, I wish I could do the same. This is because I am the one who causes your pain. But I can't do it. I can't cry. I am too proud and arrogant to cry for you, though you have cried for me many times.  
And this is perhaps my biggest fault. You do not know I love you. I have no one to blame for this but myself. So although I cannot say it to you, I will think it to myself and hope it will somehow reach you. I am sorry Kagome, and I really and deeply do love you.  
  
Okay, short I know, but good. Right, am I right people? Now review!!!. please. 


	4. Can't You Just Leave

Disclaimer: I am going to kill the person who thought of this. I don't own Inuyasha. There I said it.  
  
Okay, here is your next chappie. I hope you all liked the last one. I am doing another Kagome before I do Miroku. I was originally planning on doing him today but Kagome is calling my name.  
  
Next I would like to thank my reviewers! Anime Ambreen and Poke' Manic has looked up and read all my stories/ poems! Thank you much! Anime Nienna has also read and reviewed for Admitting to Love. Thanks to these people I will continue writing and give you a sequel. As for the rest of you, damn you!  
  
Oh and. Disclaimer: I don't own My Immortal  
  
And now.  
  
~ The Thoughts of a Hanyou, The Dreams of a Girl - Can't You Just Leave ~  
  
Kagome's Pov  
  
I feel so tired in my mind. My body is pushing me to move, since I have not done so in along time now. My mind however, is in complete protest. It seems to have shut down my legs arms and feet, not allowing me to get up.  
It seems weird, and I almost feel bad for it, but I really don't want to be here in my time. I feel like since I have seen Feudal Japan, and I loved it, I should be there, instead of here in my bed.  
Then again, I am scared to go back. I don't want to be hurt again. I allow myself to be vulnerable every time. Then I see Inuyasha promise Kikyo that he will leave with her. Well if he has to leave, I wish he would do it so he could stop leading me on and giving me false hope.  
  
I'm so tired of being here,  
Suppressed by all of my childish fears.  
And if you have to leave,  
I wish that you would just leave.  
Because your presence still lingers here,  
And it won't leave me alone.  
  
I long for this all to be some elaborate dream, well at least the part about Inuyasha and Kikyo. But no, everything is too solid, too real. This pain inside me tells me that I can't be sleeping. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to recover from all that Inuyasha has put me through.  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal,  
This pain is just too real.  
There's just too much that time cannot erase.  
  
Oh Inuyasha, you are so complex. I never know what is going through your mind. I sometimes fear that I never will. If I could only understand, if I could only see. But you won't let me in. I could help you Inuyasha. I could wipe away your sadness and chase away your fears. I would always be by your side.  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.  
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears.  
I'll hold your hand through all of these years.  
You still have, all of me.  
  
It is strange how much your complex mind amuses me. It entrances me when I see you standing, looking out over the beautiful terrain, with the sun setting behind you, when you're lost in thought.  
You just don't see that I am the life you will leave behind when you go with Kikyo. When that time comes, you will be at rest, but I Inuyasha, I will be here. Your face will still haunt me. And because you will have taken my sanity with you when you go to the under world, I will be left with nothing.  
  
You used to captivate me, by your resonating mind.  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.  
Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams.  
Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me.  
  
I am confused in myself. One part of me says that I hate you and I wish you would leave me alone and stop causing my heart and soul to bleed. For the most part though, I love you until the death. I will always love you. You will always have my whole heart.  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real.  
There's just too much that time cannot erase.  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your tears.  
I'll hold your hand through all of these years.  
You still have all of me.  
  
I try to no extent to tell myself that you are leaving. You may still be here now. But no matter how I think of it, I've been alone all along.  
  
I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.  
And though you're still with me,  
I've been alone all along.  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.  
I'll hold your hand through all of these years.  
You still have all, of me.  
  
Inuyasha, you will not let me tell you to your face, but I will tell you in thought and hope that it will somehow reach you. I love you, I always have and I always will.  
  
All of me.. ohhh...  
Me. ohhh.  
Me. ohhh.  
  
There! You like? I do. I am going to write another fic soon. Evanescence is so inspiring! Anyway, you read, now review! Oh and if you liked it, recommend it to your friends, spread the word! I know I tweaked the song just a little bit, but I had to so it would fit the story. Okay? 


	5. Hidden love

Okay, sorry I haven't updated this story in a while but I have been working on the sequel to Admitting to Love. It's called Broken Love so read it and tell me what you think! Anyway, here is that Miroku I said I'd give you. It will be kind of short because I have to leave to go to rehearsal soon okay? Please don't kill me.  
  
And now.  
  
~ The Thoughts of a Hanyou, The Dreams of a Girl- Hidden Love ~  
  
Miroku's Pov  
  
"Will you bear my child?" *slap* There goes another one. True, it is perverted and I have grown to almost enjoy my job as the Hentai Priest, but the reason for it is not optional.  
It's not my fault that I have this cursed Air Void on my hand. Yes it has proved as a good battle tool but that's all it contributes. No excellence but that can come from this, and even that is not full-proof.  
I think of this tear with sorrow. One day, I will die by my own weapon. It is strange to think that I have almost planned my death. I feel sorry for the others, not knowing how it will end.  
Mostly, I grieve for Sango. She has lost so many that she loved and cared for and she almost lost herself. Sometimes I feel like we have saved Sango by giving her friends. She lost her old ones so we opened ourselves and let her join the gang of warriors who want to destroy Naraku or die trying.  
It is strange how she has not noticed. I will stare at her for hours at a time and she will not realize that she has an admirer. And gods do I admire. She is beautiful and strong and has morals that she holds true to.  
Truth be told, I really do love Sango. She may not know it, but I do.  
  
Short and sweet! Now please review!!!!!!!! 


	6. The End of the Past

Disclaimer: The usual thing. Insert some way to say "I don't own Inuyasha" here.  
  
Sorry! I haven't updated! Yikes! I am going to be killed! Anyway.. Super sorry readers!  
  
~ The Thoughts of a Hanyou, The Drams of a Girl, Chapter Six- The End of the Past ~  
  
Kagome's Pov  
  
My body shivers as I walk to the well house. I shake from fright. It seems that I am going to finally tell him the truth. I love Inuyasha and today he will know for ever more. I can only hope that this will go as in my favor. It is a warm day and the sky is blue. There are some clouds on the horizon though, and I feel like they are here to let me know that something can always go wrong.  
Jumping into the well, that blue glow, which has almost become unfamiliar, surrounds me. When I climb out on the other side, I am surprised to find Inuyasha there. It has been a week since I have seen him. It is too soon and I find myself unprepared.  
All the words that I have imagined myself saying desert me. He stares at me and I can tell that he feels the same as I do. Scared. He blinks at me and I know that he was getting ready to jump in and come to talk to me. I guess I beat him to it.  
"Inuyasha." He cuts me off by pulling me into a tight hug. He holds my body close to his and I can feel his warmth. "Inuyasha, I, need to talk to you."  
"I have to talk to you too Kagome, but first, I have to say this. I missed you Kagome. No matter what I say right now, I need you to know that I want to have you stay here."  
This gave me nothing but courage. I stood back to look at him and his arms remained wrapped around my waste. "Inuyasha, I have waited to tell you this for such a long time. You have hurt me so much, but yet, hurt is not the only emotion I feel. I feel love as well. I. I love you Inuyasha."  
Inuyasha looked at me and smiled. I have never seen him look at me like that before. It was so warm, so caring, so. loving. "I love you too Kagome." With that he leaned down and kissed me. The kiss was filled with sensation. Everything about it was passionate. The way his lips felt against mine, the way our tongues intertwined.  
I pulled away and looked at him. He stared into my eyes. I stepped back and took a match from my pocket. It struck it on a nearby stone and it lit. Inuyasha looked worried and moved towards me. "Kagome, what are you doing? Give me the match." I smiled.  
"No Inuyasha, it will be okay." I threw the match down and it quickly caught the grass on fire. The flames grew until they were all around Inuyasha and me. "I want these flames to burn my past until it's nothing. All I want is from this moment on."  
  
*My right hand holds matches  
  
My left holds my past  
  
I hope the wind catches  
  
And burns it down fast  
  
I'm gonna step into the fire  
  
With my failures and my shame  
  
And wave goodbye to yesterday  
  
As I dance among the flames So  
  
Don't try to save me now  
  
Let the walls of my world all burn down  
  
Just stand back and wait 'til the smoke finally passes  
  
And I will rise  
  
From the ashes  
  
From the ashes  
  
From the ashes*  
  
"What if you get hurt?" Inuyasha still looked worried. I leaned forward and whispered into his ear. "My own flames won't betray me. I will feel so much better after this is over and the fire is out."  
  
*For all that I'm losing  
  
Much more will I gain  
  
The hard part is choosing  
  
To change what needs changed  
  
My step will be much lighter  
  
With these demons off my chest  
  
I'm born a better spirit  
  
And lay the old to rest  
  
Don't try to save me now  
  
Let the walls of my world all burn down  
  
Just stand back and wait 'til the smoke finally passes  
  
And I will rise  
  
From the ashes  
  
From the ashes  
  
From the ashes*  
  
I heard a rumble, so did Inuyasha. We looked to the sky and rain began to pour down on us. The fire went out and smoke flew around us in the wind. Inuyasha picked me up in his arms and twirled around in the rain. Then we tumbled to the ground and he reclaimed my lips. That night, in the rain, he claimed me as his mate.  
  
*I'll walk away stronger  
  
I will be flying'  
  
Higher and truer  
  
Than I've flown before*  
  
My dreams came true. No more worries, only love. 


End file.
